The scenery was nicely painted.

Hey… maybe I should quit now while I’m ahead. End on a positive note, as it were? Just go to bed.

But I can’t. The sound of Theatr Clwyd’s Rock ‘n Roll Panto is still ringing grating in my head.

They tried their best.

Well actually… No. They didn’t.

It was as if they had given up.  Just going through the motions.  It was as if they’d resigned themselves to the fact it might have been a half decent production if only the musical director had been a little bit musical and the sound engineer knew how to engineer sound. It was as if they thought ‘what the hell, it’s panto – you can get away with murder’

No!  Come on you people!  This was the annual Rock ‘n Roll Panto.  And we were looking forward to it!

It’s not that they were ‘bad’ singers.  Just that they were not that good.  Actually… there were some bad singers:  Robin Hood…  Meatloaf you ain’t!

It’s not that they were ‘bad’ musicians.  They were… erm… reasonably competent musicians.  Individually.  But that was it!  They stood on stage, eyes fixed upon their fretting hand, playing their guitars.  They were not… ‘together‘.  There was no hint of the passion that is a prerequisite of performing Rock and Roll.

It was messy.  They just didn’t gel.

The sound really was awful.  There was no ‘wall of sound’ – just several bricks that happened to emanating sound.  At the same time.  Almost.

Their only saving grace was the finale.  Had these boys and girls put as much energy and enthusiasm into the whole show, much of the rest of their failings may well have been forgiven.

During the speaking parts they where not amplified at all (even though some were wearing cheek mics).  Did I say speaking parts?  I meant shouting parts.

And the singing… Well what can I say?  When someone has a screechy piercing voice, max treble and no bass is not the way to ‘EQ’.

Choreography?  What choreography? I’ve seen more synchronicity in a primary school play!

Even the writers got it wrong.  This script didn’t know whether its audience was under ten or over twenty (let’s face it ‘teenagers’ wouldn’t be seen dead at a pantomime anyway!)  So the writers erred on the side of safety – and got it all wrong.  A Rock ‘n Roll Panto should have a mix of slapstick and innuendo.  By innuendo, I mean the sort of double entendre that can go straight over the heads of the adults whilst the youngsters get the (dirty) joke.  And yes – I did phrase that the right way around!

Was it funny?  Not really.

“We’ve got the latest games” …he places a cardboard box on the floor and stamps on it… “It’s an X-Box” If I tell you that was the second funniest line of the whole show you get my meaning.  The funniest line was when he then placed one foot on the flattened cardboard, spun around and declared: “It’s an X-Box 360″.

Yes,  I visibly cringed.

Since returning home I found myself thinking: “Is it me?  Have I set too high a standard after watching last week’s excellent Rock ‘n Roll Panto at the Everyman?  Is it because I have seen so many top notch comedies and musicals in Liverpool during the course of 2009?

Sadly, the answer is no.  The previous three Theatr Clwyd R&R Pantos were excellent, completely overshadowing tonight’s meagre offering.  Even sadder is the fact it was produced by much the same team.

So you will not be surprised that I cannot bring myself to recommend it or even suggest you give it the benefit of the doubt.

3/10 .

Must do better next year.

Album Page Proofs

Image files are compressed for faster loading over the internet and therefore cannot truly represent the tonality and quality of the finished printed portraits.

When you’ve had your fill of nativities and carol services, get yourself down to Liverpool’s Royal Court Theatre for the finest antidote known to man – Scouse Humour.

Merry Ding Dong is playwrite Fred Lawless’s Christmas Story about two warring families whose neighbouring houses in Speak are painted, respectively, Red and Blue

Are you beginning to get the picture?

And there is a touch of poetic irony in the fact that whilst the actors playing the feuding fathers are Merseyside football fans,  Evertonian Jake Abraham  has been cast as Noel the big Liverpool FC supporter, whilst Stephen Aintree who plays the ‘Red’ Chris has the exact opposite allegiance in real life!  On stage they were very convincing in their new colours and kept us in stitches thoughout.

The story revolves around life-long friends Chris and Noel who fell out during a holiday both families spent at Talacre in North Wales. The actual reason behind the falling out is not revealed until late on in the play.  I won’t spoil it for you, but if you are a football fan you will really appreciate the audience reaction when it happens!

I must say the entire cast displayed a remarkably proficient level of musical ability.  Royal Court regulars Eithne Brown and Lindzi Germain were spot on as usual, whilst Stephen Fletcher and Rachael Rae (who played the neighbouring teenage lovers) where quite outstanding at times.  Stephen turned out a remarkable Elvis impersonation with his comedic version of “Blue Blue Christmas” and the diminutive Rachel belted out a parody of Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ that would have got her through to Simon Cowel’s final two with no problem at all.

This musical comedy is festively awash with dozens of Christmas songs, both traditional and modern.  Although I have to say any of the songwriters who have graves to turn in would be spinning like tops if they heard what has been done to their lyrics.  Very very funny.  And totally irreverent!

Speaking of reverence, the part of the vicar was played by Alan Stocks.  And he gave us one of the funniest, and at the same time most convincing, stage performances of a drunk that I have ever seen.

He too had a good singing voice.  It was one you would definitely describe as baritone bordering on soprano.   It was some surprise, therefore, when he appeared descending in a helicopter to the opening bars of  “Walking in the Air”.  The whole theatre erupted as he consumed the contents a helium balloon to perform the number, note perfect, as a tenor bordering on falsetto!

How the cast kept straight faces defeats me, for they obviously enjoyed performing as much as the audience enjoyed watching.  I wasn’t the only one in that packed Wednesday night house wiping tears of laughter off my cheeks.

A standing ovation brought these seven talented actors back out to perform one last hilarious number as a curtain call – and we were all on our feet joining in.

Merry Ding Dong runs until January 23rd.  We’re going to see it again – and you really shouldn’t miss it!

You can also read my review on the Liverpool Daily Post website

Gemma’s proofs (final selection) from a recent studio session.

…and the rest of the shots (unretouched) from the initial short-list

Please note: the files have been compressed to facilitate faster loading over the internet and therefore cannot truly represent the tonality, sharpness and colour fidelity of the finished retouched portraits.

Can you remember what you were doing 29 years ago today?

I can.  It was my day off. I dragged myself out of bed mid morning, turned the kettle on and then the radio.

The kettle boiled dry.

Shocked by the news, I never got my morning cuppa.  I sat all day, stunned,  as a crackly medium wave Radio City struggled to reach over the Welsh mountains. They played Beatles tracks all day back-to-back.

John Lennon had been shot.

The following day I was back at work for the Evening Leader newspaper.  Myself and feature-writer Carol James were the only newspaper people John’s ex wife Cynthia would talk to at that sad time. We interviewed and photographed her at her home in Castle Street, Ruthin, whilst the photographers from the Nationals were dropping mind-blowingly huge cheques through her letterbox desperate for exclusive pictures and an interview.  She tore them all up.

We got through the door because we were journos she could trust to be sensitive and not sensationalise how she felt about John’s death, having previously done a feature about her charity work a few months earlier and prior to that a promotinal peice about her book A Twist of Lennon.

For me, the whole thing was made far more poignant since I’d been part of the 60s/70s music scene myself.

My band, The Executioners, had graduated from the local village hall dances, through the Chester and Deeside working-mens clubs, to earn our place on the Mersey Beat scene. We played the Cavern, The Iron Door, Tower Ballroom New Brighton and many other Merseyside Clubs, alongside the likes of the Searchers, The Big Three, Freddie Starr and the Midnighters, The Black Abbots, and the Undertakers.

Sadly, we were never on the same bill as The Beatles, so I never got to meet John Lennon.

It was spooky when some time later, I photographed Julian Lennon as a young man because at that time he was just like his father during the Cavern years.

Today, 29 years after his untimely death, John’s music is as fresh and meaningful as back then. It will live on forever. But I often wonder what he would be doing now had December 8th 1980 never happened.

The Wheel

The Ferris Wheel, lighting up the night sky and reflected in the windows of the restaurants on the park above Liverpool One.

(Hit F11 to view Full Screen)

A bit of Twitter banter between the Hairy Photographer and the not-so-hairy Eamonn Holmes this morning.

Glad I was able to help him sort out such an important life-changing dilemma!!

(In case you’re not familiar with the Twitter feed – the conversation starts at the bottom)

Miss December

is Sue Evans.

Dancer Sue strikes up a pose from Cabaret.

At the moment, however, whilst her calendar page is gracing wall all over the world, Sue is contemplating the pose she will be striking in the maternity ward at the end of this month!

Mr December

is chef Jason Jones.

Jason can be found roasting his chestnuts in the kitchens of Bar-W at the Wynnstay Arms in Ruthin.

Check out the official calendar website.

Click the image to see more from Kerry’s Photo Shoot

Your previews

Please note: the files have been compressed to facilitate faster loading over the internet and therefore cannot truly represent the tonality, clarity and colour fidelity of the finished retouched photographs.

Cynics might suggest my main reason for being at Liverpool’s Royal Court Theatre last night was to ogle Suzanne Collins’ long slender legs.

Well that’s because they only think they know me.  I am of course, ever appreciative of a shapely pair of pins, but I’m also a sucker for a good serving of raucous scouse comedy.

And that was my main reason for attending the second-night performance of  Drew Quaile’s The Salon.  Two and a half hours of having the lovely Suzanne cavort in a very short beautician’s tunic just a few feet from my seat in the stalls, was just an added bonus.

On all counts, the evening definitely did not disappoint.

An hour before curtain-up, Jayne and I enjoyed an excellent meal served at our table in the Royal Court’s unique “cabaret-style” stalls.  Good honest simple fayre, beautifully prepared and presented. Fantastic quality, especially when you consider they serve 150 meals in forty-five minutes! A nicely chilled bottle of rosé from the theatre bar was the perfect accompaniment.

Then within seconds of the lights going down there was non-stop laughter throughout the entire performance.

Set in the “Curl Up and Dye” salon, the play give a hilarious insight to the entwined love lives (and the lack thereof) of the hairdressers, beautician, and their customers  and revolves around the break-up of the salon’s two gay owners.

Other than that, there was no real story-line as such.  But then, none was needed.  In fact there was no room for one.  Quail’s script was bursting with humour and innuendo.  And under the genius direction of Bob Eaton, the cast delivered some of the funniest performances I have seen.

Lynne Fitzgerald was hilarious as the scissor-happy brazen hussy and Roy Brandon’s portrayal of an hysterical love-forsaken queen was a magnificent combination of drama and slapstick.

And the acting in late-night drunken scene was so convincing, I actually found myself worrying that the actors might end up falling off the cleverly constructed elevated stage that was the apartment above the salon.

Can I recommend it?  Absolutely!

If anybody can find fault with this terrific comedy, they’d be splitting hairs.  Go and see it for yourself and I promise you, it’s your sides that’ll be splitting!

The Salon’s month-long run at the Royal Court Theatre, Liverpool, ends November 28th

Miss November

is Catryn Wynne-Griffiths.

Catryn works for a company that helps people keep warm in the winter!

Mr November

is local arcitect Jan Bargiel.

Check out the official calendar website.

Miss October

is Cathryn Ankers.

Cathryn chose this ‘power pose’ because her partner Ross (Mr April) is a live wire linesman.

Mr October

is Cheeky Photographer Neil Dallywater.

Neil is photographer/editor for two of the country’s largest circulation tattoo magazines Skin Deep and Skin Shots.

Check out the official calendar website.

The band struck up. The curtain rose. The dancers were up and singing.

I couldn’t help noticing that the youngest were around twelve. And during that first energetic number I surmised that this would be a very different production from the raucous comedies we are used to seeing at Liverpool’s Royal Court Theatre.

After the first number, Royal Court Regular Andrew Scofield (remember Scully in Boys from the Black Stuff?) entered stage right. Drew is normally cast as the archetype scouse scally who gets withdrawal symptoms if he goes more than two sentences without uttering the “F” word.

In this first scene he played an extremely short-sighted lolly-pop man on the school crossing and having suffered a tirade of abuse from the “remedial” class teenagers he was heard to shout “and you can Eff-off and all”.  That, I imagined, would be to limit of the swearing on this show.

Woohoo! How wrong can you be?!

Our Day Out is a bang-up-to-date rewrite of Willy Russell’s original comedy.

Now a full blown musical, it tells of a school trip to Wales for the remedial class of a Liverpool School – and the great playwrite acknowledges in his script that the “Queen’s English” has very little to do with the vocabulary of today’s teens.

Andrew Schofield was, as ever, brilliant – both as the half wit school crossing man in the opening scene and as the staid, establishment, strait-laced, teacher who “invited” himself on the school trip to the horror of the pupils and of the progressive class teachers who’d organised it.

In these roles, Gillian Hardie and Bradley Clarkson were truly great. And you could be excused for imagining that Holly Quin Ankrah was chosen for her role as the young student teacher purely because of the way she filled out that orange swimsuit in the beach scene. But her singing, dancing and acting prowess demonstrated exactly why she quickly progressed from her five years on Grange Hill to the principle role in Rock Rivals and more recently as Geena in Shameless.

Michael Starke too (Brookside, The Royal and Jerry Morton in Corrie) exhibited perfect comedic timing, a really good singing voice and surprising light-footedness as the cheerful chubby bus driver.

My standing ovation last night, however, was for the extremely talented young actors and dancers who played the errant schoolies. I’ve always felt the Royal Court’s success stems from casting “to type”. That is why Drew is such a favourite. Hire a scouser to play a scouser. These scouse kids certainly came up with the goods. So believable they were as the characters they portrayed.

Their energy and exuberance was matched only by the professionalism of their performance. Their singing and acting voices were as good as you would find on any stage in Britain – including the West End.

And I was struck by the irony of the task facing the choreographers and stage directors.  They had to discipline a couple of dozen energetic hormonal teenagers into successfully portraying a couple of dozen wayward and unruly hormonal teenagers. Type-casting? No. This was the result of such hard work executed with the enthusiasm and energy of youth. Flawless performances that left you laughing and crying and wanting to be that young again yourself.

I’m so glad I am not a professional reviewer. For I’d feel I had to tell you to look out for the exceptional singing and dancing talents of young Rebecca Cumings, or Chris Mason’s accurate portrayal of a love-struck Jack-the-Lad, or…

In truth, every single one of those talented youngsters delivered fantastic performances and fully deserved the standing ovation they received from a Tuesday night packed house.

I can fully recommend you go and see Our Day Out. The youngsters, the cast, the musicians, the production team and the most warm and welcoming venue that Liverpool has to offer, truly do justice to the unrivalled observational humour of Willy Russell.

Our Day Out will be Your Night Out to Remember. You’ve got until October 17th to catch the bus.  Whatever else you do – don’t miss it!

Read a shortened version of this along with other reviews on the Liverpool Echo Website: http://tinyurl.com/willyrussell

Miss September

is Mandy Pickering.

Mandy works as an agricultural accountant.  That figures, looking at her office.

Mr September

is lorry driver Ronnie.