There can be few things in life quite so exciting as watching paint dry.

There’s the anticipation as you open the can. Well… plastic tub actually. Why did they do that?  What was wrong with the good old fashioned tin can?  You knew where you were with a paint tin.  You stuck your screwdriver under the rim…  a quick flick of the wrist…  and off popped the lid! 

Now we have to reverse engineer the designer’s miracle new fastening.  We have to get into the mind of the maniac who decided this lip would clip into that groove and hold the lid on so tight your finger nails would give up long before paint ever saw the light of day.

There is a slot that is way too big for a humble screwdriver – yet far too small for a handyman’s thumb.  And has this one got a plastic tab to tear off first?  Or not?  Give us a bloody clue!  Better still – give us a paint tin!

Then there’s the dismay as the lid finally pops off to reveal a blotchy globby gel-like substance which doesn’t even come close to resembling the colour chart.  Tell me:  If they call it non-drip, why has it got a half-inch-deep runny stagnant pond sloshing about on top of it?

The label says “Do Not Stir” but it doesn’t tell you what to do with the pond!

Now the real fun starts.   When two people are involved in the decision making process, the first paint stroke hitting the wall will usually coincide with the brown stuff hitting the fan.

“It’s too dark”. “No it’s not”. “I told you we should have gone for magnolia”.  Boring old fart”.  “Well I wanted to wallpaper”. “But woodchip went out with the 20th century”. “It is – it’s much too dark”.  “It’ll dry lighter”.

It didn’t.  Dry lighter, that is.  But I have to admit, it was exciting watching it happen.

The Whole Story